 Who is responsible for the spiritual development of your children?
"You shall teach [these commandments] to your
children, talking of them when you are sitting in your house, and when you are walking by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise." ESV
Deuteronomy 11:19
If you are a "normal" church going Christian, then you do not train your children in the Lord personally. In fact, only 1 in 10 churched families have any significant spiritual training in the home such as reading the Bible and praying together.[1]
This newsletter is meant to encourage you on to personally training your children in the Lord. And since you are reading this newsletter, the chances are quite good that you are not "normal" as defined by the above statistic.
But how can you train your own children in the Faith? "Most families-even those described by their church as 'pillars'-are generally doing what their parents did with them: dropping off the kiddies at church and allowing the religious professionals" to train their children.[2]
This month I would like to focus on:
- convincing you that it is your job first and foremost to train your children in the Faith, and
- what you as a parent can do to improve your spiritual training in the home.
The top reasons you as a parent are not training your children are:
a) lack of time:
a) belief that you do not have the ability or education; and
b) belief that it's the job of the church and by taking your children there; you are already doing your spiritual training.
If lack of time is the issue, we dealt with this in issue one, here. If you fit into the belief that it is the church's job, and by leaving your children in Sunday School (or Christian school), you are already spiritually training them, then you need to read Deut 6:4-9; Deut 11:18-21; Ps. 78:5-8; and Eph 6:4. Such a belief is categorically incorrect and a serious talk with your pastor or Christian fellowship group would be in good order.
Today we will focus on the belief that you lack the
ability or education to train your children in
the Faith. This is where most of us find ourselves
to some degree, and it is a serious flaw and
impediment to effectively leading our
children in the Faith.
Your personal faith is a walk. You are on a life long journey that, like your eternal life, never ends. The Bible continually speaks of faith as a walk and in Jesus' day, the number one term used for "how to live out your faith" was Halacha (Halakha), which literally means "the way of walking." Jesus' discussions with religious leaders and common people often centered on this idea: how do we walk out this command or that command in our day-to-day lives?[3]
Your family faith is also a walk. The mere fact that you are a parent who has a faith in God means you have all you need to walk with your family in that Faith.
Recently, in studying how the Biblical writers thought, I came to the understanding that Biblical writers concentrate on the journey and walk of Faith while in contrast Western thinkers focus on the arrival to a specific destination. Since most of us grew up with a Greek Western way of thinking, we often view learning as a goal to be reached; a diploma to achieve so we can declare, "I finished. I reached the goal." But with a Biblical thought pattern, we are not striving for an end point in order to then declare we arrived, but rather we are on a path that leads us with someone; we never finish learning and we never finish walking.[4]
A fundamentally flawed premise:
Because we grew up with this "destination first" thinking, we believe we cannot instruct others or lead others like our family until we have first arrived or received some degree. But, since Faith has no defined end point of arrival, we never end up leading others. We simply keep trying to aspire to reach a goal that is always elusive. We exist in the "some day" world that can never come.
And since others may have a degree that says they accomplished something, we falsely assume that; therefore, they must be better at training our children in the Faith than are we.[5]
If our Faith is truly a journey and a walk, then the person who attends to the child most closely is the person most equipped to lead; and that is the parent. Even if you know someone who is further along, or has a degree, or appears more holy and righteous; you as the parent are still best equipped to lead your own child along their faith journey.
Some practical tips to help you get started or continue:
1) Talk about your own story. Let your children know how your walk began and how it has progressed. Regardless of how spectacular or mundane you think your story is, it is your story and it will inspire your children. (Some of you may need to practice the art of censorship until your children are old enough to comprehend.) 2) Talk about where you are right now. What are you learning and how is your own personal faith progressing? Let them see that you have not arrived and help them avoid the flawed idea that Faith is about arriving and receiving some heavenly degree (or indulgence[6]); but rather about a walk. 3) Listen. Let them talk and ask you questions and practice the art of saying, "I don't know." Unless you do know, it's best to be honest. Even, "I'm not sure, but it may be..." is better than faking it. Your children will not think less of you or of God by that honest answer. Also, this answer allows for you to both seek the answer together if you can indeed find it. It helps children see concretely that we all continue to ask questions and learn. If you struggle with this idea, you might want to spend some time in the books of Psalms and Lamentations. There are many very difficult questions asked and often left unanswered. 4) Make use of tools, but don't rely on them too heavily. Remember these are tools that are meant to aid in something greater. We don't buy a hammer unless we want to nail something or a saw unless we want to cut something. Likewise, we don't use a devotional tool simply to use the tool. It's called a tool for a reason, to aid you in accomplishing something greater. See Bible Bookmarks, and The Child's Story Bible5) Watch for teachable moments. By this I mean those moments in life where training is more specific and targeted because something just happened or is happening. This is one of the ideas behind Exodus 11:18 "You shall teach [these commandments] to your children, talking of them when you are sitting in your house, and when you are walking by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise." This process helps children see that Faith and life are one. It helps them avoid the flawed view that faith has a place and a time, and the rest of life has its place and time and that they are separate. In God's Kingdom and in the Bible we see that all of life is a life of Faith. We can not be one thing (holy and righteous) in one place, such as at church; and then another thing (profane and unholy) in another place, such as at work, school, or home. 6) Pray together. Praying together is far more intimate than just reading the Bible and talking about it. We will discuss some effective ways to start this process in future issues. 7) Memorize Scripture together as a family: This is not a child's task. How often do Christians expect their children to memorize Scripture, but they themselves never do. If you don't value this, then don't expect your children to either. We will discuss some great ways to do this as a family in a future issue. 8) Begin your day with this question on your mind: "How will I teach my children today?" And end it with this one, "How have I taught my children today?" This simple practice will start to revolutionize your family walk. 9) Make use of the local church. They are there to help you train, teach, and shepherd your children. As the church you are a local community of faith to come along side one another to help in the discipleship of children. Once you see your rightful place as the lead spiritual guide for your children, the church becomes a key component in that spiritual development. 10) Finally, continue to learn and grow in your own faith. Join Bible studies or classes, read a book, and of course read Scripture. Learning never ends, especially learning Scripture.
This may all seem like a lot to many of you. If you have been doing nothing; if you really believed that you didn't possess the right education to teach your own children, then I sincerely hope you have had an epiphany moment today.
I pray that you have reached that point where you made a decision that you are now going to stop talking, waiting, and planning, and start doing. It is my desire that you say today, "The family walk begins right now." And trust me, if you say, "it starts tomorrow" then you have yet to have that "come to Jesus" moment in this area of your family life.
"Bless the LORD, O my soul, and all that is within me,
bless his holy name!" Ps 103:1
Marvin Heyboer
Have you begun training your family in the Faith? We would love to hear your story: your struggles, your triumphs, your advice, and your encouragement. As a part of this newsletter, we are eager to begin including your personal stories. Whether they are of your struggles or your successes, we would love to include your experience so your story can encourage others.
[1] George Barna, Transforming Children into Spiritual Champions: Why Children Should be your Church's #1 Priority, Ventura California, Regal Books, 2003, Pg. 78
[2] Ibid
[3] Mark 7:5, John 8:12, John 12:35, Acts 14:16, Acts 21:21, Romans 4:12; Romans 6:4, Romans 8:4, Romans 13:13, Galatians 5:25, Galatians 6:16, and many many more.
[4] To explore this idea more, see Follow the Rabbi, here; or read Our Father Abraham: Jewish roots of the Christian faith, by Marvin Wilson.
[5] This is not to diminish the importance of organized religious education and training. Those who obtain such degrees and accomplishments add immense value to our communities that can not be ignored; but, your faith and their faith is not a degree. It is the life of faith we desire to pass on to our children first and foremost.
[6] Indulgences were certificates sold by the middle ages church to grant Christians fewer days or years in purgatory. |
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